Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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