The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
