I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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