after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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