He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
That's when you crack a 10am beer
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
