I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize