you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
