Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
