I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
