wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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