Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
