as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
