Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize