What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
apparently the secret to your success is patron
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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