Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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