Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
