sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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