Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
