It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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