dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
