you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
...so i touched it.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
