Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
