I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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