can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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