oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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