Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
