Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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