Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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