If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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