Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
it's great music for shaving your balls
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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