If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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