Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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