absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
