Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
nutella sex= disaster
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
