Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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