So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
