I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize