Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
