dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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