She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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