i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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