why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
