just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
