I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
