if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
