He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
