I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
