i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
