i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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