I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
