Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
