He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
