ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
