I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
