Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
