While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
