the new term for farting is butt boxing.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
