I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
