She went from zero to smokin in five shots
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Randomize