Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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