Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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