carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
