It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
