Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
