girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize