dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
