So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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