plz talk dirty to me
After last night, I could never be a politician.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
