i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
