I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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