he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
