yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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